Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
