Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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