I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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