the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
