kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
