Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
