And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
