Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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