so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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