Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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