she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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