i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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