My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
