Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
