I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
