i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
