So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
