obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
