dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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