i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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