fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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