Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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