just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
