just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The ass gains better be worth it
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