Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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