Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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