um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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