His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
