Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
