My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
