that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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