I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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