OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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