I cockslap morals
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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