3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
