If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
