I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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