It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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