I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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