$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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