i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
