i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
