but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
