god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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