Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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