My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
