I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
