Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
