There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
