i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
