I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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