It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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