clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
