just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
