If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
