6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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