as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Welp...herpes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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