its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
