you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
