My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
