last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I understand Curling. That high.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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