I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
