i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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