If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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