Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
