At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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