i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
