I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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